Spring may not be in full bloom just yet, but it isn’t too early to start exploring what your child’s summer schedule is going to look like. With two elementary-aged daughters of my own, each summer I’m on a quest to find the right balance between fun, learning and free time to let them re-energize.

Living here in Minnesota, there is no shortage of opportunities when it comes to meeting those kinds of goals for your child’s summer experience. And taking advantage of the many summer camps offered in our area is a great place to start. Are you interested in day camps or overnight camps for your child? Does she want to explore a new interest or continue refining skills in an area in which she is passionate? We are fortunate, in that the possibilities in our community are practically endless.

So where do parents start? And how do they ensure that they are making the right summer camp choices for their kids and their family? We’ve researched those questions, and many others, with local camps and local moms who have plenty to say about the topic. Follow along the trail as we guide you through some practical tips on how to get your family geared up for the summer camp experience.

+ Map it out
Before you hit the trail in search of the right camps for your kids, it’s best to take a look at your family’s summer schedule.

A single mom of two, Karen Sattron starts by printing out a summer calendar.

“I always begin by filling in the ‘musts,’ and for our family that includes keeping the first and last weeks of summer open,” says Sattron.

If you have a family vacation scheduled, or if the kids make an annual summer trip to the grandparents’ house, mapping out those events already scheduled on a calendar will help you see what weeks are available.

+ Gather your information
Collect the camp literature and brochures you’ve set aside throughout the year so it’s right at your fingertips.

“I create a ‘summer folder,’ where I put all the information I’ve collected about camps for my kids,” says Sattron. “That way, when I’m ready to look at it closely, it’s all in one spot.”

This could include a folder containing flyers or mailers that have crossed your path over the months, or a digital folder for emails and websites you’ve bookmarked that have piqued your child’s interest. Having all your information in one or two easy-to-access spots makes it easier to get started on your research.

+  Consult trail guides
If researching camps seems like a daunting task, another place to start is to talk to other families and parents of your child’s friends to see what camps they recommend. Sometimes word-of-mouth details can give you some of the best information about a camp and how it might fit for your child.

Ask your kids to talk to others who have participated in camps similar to those they may want to try. Also, speak to teachers, administrators or coaches at your child’s school.

“If you are looking for the best camp in a particular sport,” says Sattron, “check with the coach of that sport at your child’s school and see what he or she recommends.”

Looking for other ways to save money on camp costs? Many camps offer “Refer a Friend” discounts and savings for registering siblings. Additionally, some camps offer discounts or special pricing for early bird registration. And don’t forget to check the camp’s website for discounts or special offers through social media channels like facebook and twitter.

+ Allow your family to find the right path
Not every camp is going to be a fit for every family. Factors such as parents’ work schedules and related factors often play a large role into what will work as a summer solution for families.

A working mom of two, Cathy Launge from Eden Prairie has chosen a local city camp in recent summers as the best fit for her kids and her schedule.

“We can choose the weeks they attend and pay by the week,” says Launge. “We also like a variety of activities. The camp incorporates field trips, water days, crafts and movies. And they allow families to begin payment in advance, so the camp can almost be paid in its entirety before summer arrives.”

+  Let your kids lead the way
As parents, we may have some summer camp goals in mind for our children, but don’t forget to include them in the discovery process. Stacy Paige, a stay at home mom who runs her own day camp says, “Ask your child what she would like to do, or which camp she would like to attend. Most kids thrive in an environment that nurtures their interest, talent and passion.”

For those with older kids, involve them by having them assist you with the research. Sitting with your kids at the computer and checking out their options together on the Web is a great way to collect information and gain some insight into their interests.

+  Explore cost savings options
Different kids attending different camps over the summer months can get pricey, but with the right approach, you can save some money and teach your child responsibility. Eagan resident Marcy Sullivan, a mother of three daughters, says, “I have my kids raise half of the cost of the camp. My oldest daughter picked out a camp for this summer that costs $500, so she started raising her money last summer with a lemonade stand, selling crafts and babysitting. She’s already reached her goal.”

Even if cost isn’t an issue for your family, it’s not a bad idea to have you kids help raise money to assist with the cost of the camps, no matter the amount.

+  Learn about the destination
When you are approaching decision time on your final choices, make sure you thoroughly check out the program before committing to send your child.

What are the facilities like? What is the child-to-instructor ratio? For destination camps, sometimes it isn’t practical to check out the location ahead of time. Woods recommends visiting the American Camp Association website (acacamps.org) for a listing of camps that meet specific criteria in these areas.

+  Hit the trail early
Registration for many camps starts in early spring, and those that are most popular fill up quickly.

“Sign up early, as most parents start registering as early as March,” says Pagie. “Once you have decided on a particular camp, send in all applications and forms, along with the required fees and deposits to confirm your spot.”

+  Team up for the journey
Teaming up with your kids’ friends for camp can provide several benefits. For instance, it’s a great way for shy children to feel more comfortable in a new setting when they have a buddy along for the journey. Joining forces with other families can also help with transportation.

Families that can share in carpooling duties are able to save time and gas, and it gives working parents, especially those who are single, options to their driving schedules.

Interested in carpooling but don’t know anyone attending the camp of your choice? Some camps – like iD Tech Camps, which offers award-winning technology camps locally and nationally – provide its registrants with access to a Carpooling Network. This allows families to connect with other local camp attendees and share in the transportation.

+  Lend a helping hand
Sometimes, the chance to participate in the camp alongside your child makes for a richer experience for the whole family. And it can help with the cost, too. For the past several summers, Marissa Neil from Apple Valley has joined her son, Liam, at camp. Working as a driver for the week, Neil not only gets to accompany her son on his summer camp journey, she receives a discount on the camp cost.

+  Know your kids and guide their way
Whether it’s day camp or overnight camp, or a camp that focuses on sports, academics, art or technology, you know your kids best and what type of camp would be the ideal fit for them.

Summer camp can be a great time to feed an existing passion or discover a new one. It can be a time for creative expression, sports-skills development or academic development. Kids can experience spiritual growth through church-based camps or the wonders of their surroundings through nature camps. But whatever path you choose, experiencing the joy of discovery together with your child will make the journey and the destination that much more rewarding.

The post The Best Summer Camp Experience appeared first on Family Times Magazine.

Woo-hoo! It’s mommy time! The kids are away at camp or gone to grandma’s house and you’ve got time for yourself. If you’ve been too busy planning their summer vacation to think about yours, try these ten terrific ideas. You’ll be so busy enjoying yourself, you might forget how much you miss them.

1. Do New. Break out of your routine. Eat breakfast on the patio, take a hot new fitness class, or visit an art gallery or wine tasting. No need to worry your fun will last longer than the kids’ attention spans or interfere with cello lessons or ballet.

2. Reconnect with your friends. I mean the friends who knew and loved you before you had kids. Or more recent acquaintances you’d hang with even if your kids weren’t in the same class or on the same team. Plan girls’ night out, host a cocktail party or poker night, or do a double date on the town. No kids allowed!

3. Rekindle romance. Let sparks fly. Have a romantic picnic together or cook dinner in alluring lingerie while he sips a drink. Reconnect with your sexy self. There’s no need to worry the kids will bust in and catch you “wrestling” with daddy.

4. Conquer clutter. If most drawers in your kitchen are “junk drawers” or you routinely waste time finding essentials, stop the madness. Tackle one space at a time so you don’t get sidetracked. Clear out stress-inducing clutter that distracts you from what really matters.

5. Crop, crop. If you scrapbook, plan a crop party. This is the perfect time to reminisce about the little darlings – you haven’t heard their whiney appeals in days. Not a scrap-booker? Online tools such as Shutterfly.com or MyPublisher.com make it easy to create family treasures from your digital photos.

6. Pamper yourself. Get a manicure or pedicure. Have your hair cut at a real salon, not the one where kids watch cartoons in barber chairs shaped like fire trucks. Schedule a makeover at the department store makeup counter. Go to one of the latest Minnesota Blow Out Bars for a quick refresh. Lavish love on yourself.

7. Read up. This is the time to read a book you’ve been dying to read but can’t enjoy when the kids are playing video games at full volume. Devour a juicy romance novel, savor rich prose, or linger over provocative ideas and perspectives.

8. Tune in. Listen to music you like, not Hannah Montana. (Well, unless you like Hannah Montana!) Buy a new CD or dig out your old favorites. You won’t have to hear the kids groan, “Oh, mom” when you crank up the volume and sing along.

9. Eat it up. Enjoy favorite foods you forego when you’re cooking for kiddos. No mac-n-cheese or chicken nuggets for you. Go for teriyaki grilled salmon or a salad with goat cheese, herbs and walnuts. Use a beautiful plate and sit down in the formal dining room. Make dining a feast for your senses.

10. Give back. If you’d like to do more community service but can’t squeeze it in between carpool and soccer practice, this is the perfect time to give. Call a charity you’ve worked with before or find all kinds of local opportunities at VolunteerMatch.org.

The post Kids off at camp? It’s ME time! 10 things to do while the kids are away appeared first on Family Times Magazine.

Camps have selected to offer shorter sessions with the interest of today’s parents and families in mind. As the cost of longer sessions rose, the desire for more economical options was a common refrain. As families faced a greater variety of other summer opportunities for their children to participate in — from summer school to sports leagues to arts and music programs — so too did the desire for a shorter overnight camp experience that would permit children to participate in many  programs, to attend camp, and maybe fit in a family vacation. Thus came organized camping’s effort to meet the needs of parents in providing the shorter, more economical camp weeks to meet their interests.

Although shorter in days, parents have the same high expectation that their children will benefit from the best of camp experiences. There is no allowance for how much less may actually fit into sessions that are substantially shorter than a longer traditional camp session. While camp professionals may acknowledge that a longer-length session may often provide deeper relationships, stronger skill building, or a wider range of experiences, the powerful effect of a week at camp is for many children a lifelong memory.

Over decades of the camp experience, comments from short-term camp participants, parents, and leaders are not at all unusual in capturing the true value of a week or even a few days at overnight camp. Visit a good camp on the closing day of a one-week session, and you will surely see groups of girl campers hugging each other, exchanging phone numbers and e-mail contacts, and promising to keep in touch. If you stop to hear their stories they will ring with new friendships, adventurous times of discovery with their cabin group, attributes that they admire in their counselors, and other memories of their group experience. In many cases they will be talking about their next year at camp.

You will see a boy grabbing his mom or dad by the hand and starting off on a tour of the cabin and then onward to every place of importance to him while at camp for the week. The tour might include everything from his cabin bunk to the waterfront, dining hall, campfire ring, and the hiking trail to an overnight site. It is not uncommon for lingering camper–parent tour groups to be enjoying this enthusiastic journey for an hour or more.

And those that have simply rushed off for home, a weekend trip, or another vacation week will most likely hear stories for several hours followed by some well-deserved sleep. Parents often comment, too, on the attitude and behavior of their children that continues well after a week at camp. Parents often report that their children came home from camp with a whole new interest in helping out around the house, spending time with family members, speaking up positively about camp activities, skills they learned, and the quality impressions of counselors and staff leaders. Campers often are more adept at relating to others; demonstrating confidence, independence, and character values; and making decisions about their own behavior choices according to their parents.

Perhaps an even more impressive story is the teacher from an outdoor education session with sixth grade students who watched her students during a simulation on survival as the instructor invited the small group to consider how they might use items in a survival pack. One shy student offered that the rope and fishing line could be used to make a trap. Without hesitation he adeptly took about ten minutes to construct a snare using the materials on hand and a few sticks in the woods. Needless to say, the entire class looked on in rapt amazement. The teacher was even more amazed — this student was one who, previously, never raised a hand in class and rarely spoke up to answer a question. Yet, in the small-group, outdoor environment at camp, he had the attention of the entire group and received the positive recognition of the teacher.

Or consider another story of a middle school outdoor education student from a Southeast Asian immigrant family who had self-selected to be mute in class for years — he never spoke a word in class, but the family said he spoke at home. While the boy was with a small student group on a late night star hike at camp, he was both moved by the experience and comfortable enough to speak for the first time in front of his classmates and teacher. Although the magnificence of the star-studded dark night sky was splendid, the words spoken to the group by this unheard classmate were even more astounding. This is evidence of the unique power of even just a few days at camp.

These quick stories that share and identify valuable positive experiences from short-term camp experiences should stand out for camp professionals and parents alike. For parents considering whether to enroll their child in camp, there should be strong confirmation that even a three- to seven-day camp week or mini-session can provide a child with a life-changing experience. For camp leaders, it certainly reminds us of the power of camp to change lives while also adding the priority of attention that must be given to the programs and staffing at our camp. We must assure that all staff, from cabin counselors to activity instructors to cooks and office staff, are relating to every camper, every day in a way that will make that camper’s experience memorable and meaningful. If we only have a few days to make outstand-ing impressions with campers, it makes every hour all the more critical.

Every Minute Counts

Camp leaders must also be aware that in shorter camp sessions, there may be limits to what all campers are able to participate in when the camp has a wide variety of programs. Usually, most camps will have a fairly filled arrival day and often a closing day that may include a variety of special ceremonies, campfires, or other memorable events.

Of course, that often leaves the remaining days during the session with very busy schedules. At a traditional camp with a variety of sports, swimming, boating, crafts, archery, horses, cookouts, overnights, and even more, it often means a very quick taste of some activities, careful selection of activities of the highest interest to the campers, or often a good exposure to a few of the camp’s primary activities. This should be another reminder to all camp leaders that the relationships and experiences with the staff will be more important than every camper attending every activity. The stories and memories that the campers will never forget — and the ones that they will be retelling over and over at home — are the ones where their camp friends and camp staff impressed them in some important manner. Those important participatory moments are what we need to strive to create with every group every day.

While every minute always counts in any camp session of any length, during short-term sessions, it must be an ex-ceptional attention matter for every staff member. If a camper is late to a program activity, a cabin group misses a game, or the waterfront period gets delayed, etc., there is often no chance to make it up. One-week and short-term sessions must be well organized and run on a well-practiced schedule. Caution should be used in not shortening program periods or transition times in order to fit more things into the daily schedule. There should always be options for spontaneous activities or room for changes, but the camp needs to be forthright about how to accommodate these into an already packed day. Most importantly, staff should be well prepared to bring their group together smoothly and swiftly at the start of the session and to build camper relationships in a very deliberate, constant manner.

The camp needs to have an effective system to support the counselor in fitting the highest interest activities for each camper into the group’s activity plan and into each camper’s own independent program plan. Most camps are able to formulate a schedule where all campers are able to participate in a good number of their top choice activities. It becomes each camper’s counselor and other staff that make sure that all activities are well presented so that campers of all interest levels find the program time fun and meaningful. While the essence of camp is the success that children have in building various skills in a variety of areas, it is even more the essence of camp to build memorable and caring relationships with counselors and other staff. A camper could be in any activity in any part of camp and experience an excellent time if every staff member that related to them was at¬tentive to each child and worked to engage them in a meaningful fashion.

It’s All About Relationships

Reflect again on the memorable stories that are most often told about camp. Like the stories described, they are the moments when someone in the group does something remarkable, when a counselor helps a camper with a personal accomplishment, or when the group connects around a campfire or with a group hug. It is rarely the make or type of sailboat, whether the basketball backboards are wood or glass, or even if the group is living in a cabin or a tent. It is the experience and relationship between campers and staff. It is not winning a soccer match as much as being a part of the crazy team playing together. When we hire and train staff who will devote themselves to the spirit of the group, continue to reach out to the hardest-to-reach child day after day, and somehow find the resources to be energetic all day long, our campers will have a magical week or few days. They will be enriched with stories and experiences of their group and leaders that will be retold to friends and parents for years to come.

Making a Difference

Making a difference in the lives of our campers is what camp is all about. While it may sound daunting to some, it should not sway strong camp leaders from implementing the steps to make it happen. It is also what we promise to all of our camp parents. To expect our camps to provide less is out of the question. And to a great extent, providing these high-value experiences in shorter-length sessions is exactly what parents and camps have mutually created over the years.

I will never forget the remarks of a high school senior who had arrived at camp for a one-day ropes course experience as part of an ongoing school and camp partnership for at-risk students: “This is the main reason I am back in school this year, to come to these camp days.” The quarterly adventure experiences that this challenged student had participated in for a couple of years had kept him attending school through his senior year. Mission accomplished.

The magical effect of camp can happen with seven-year-olds to seventeen-year-olds and beyond.One-week and short-length camp sessions are very capable of creating very memorable experiences. Often they are welcomed to meet the family needs of many of our campers or the only opportunity that some youth have of attending a camp at all. At our camps, we must dedicate ourselves to making the time spent at camp exceptional in every way.

The post It Was the Best Week Ever! The Value of One-Week and Short-Term Camp Sessions appeared first on Family Times Magazine.

Learning from Love

“Although many parents would like pre-teens to participate in supervised group activities, school dances, and trips to the mall or the movies, kids are starting to date earlier than most parents would like,” says relationship education advocate Lindsay Kroger, creator of the young women’s romance advice blog If Only I Knew. Some adolescent relationships are short-lived, but many last longer than parents expect.

Tweens are often preoccupied with romance. They may be infatuated with classmates or obsessed with peers’ partnerships. Spending time with mixed-sex peer groups exposes kids to potential love interests and offers opportunities for flirtation. By ages 16 to 18, 75% of teens report they’ve had a relationship, dated or “hooked up” with someone.

Dating is an opportunity for adolescents to test out different identities, says Stephanie Maden, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at McDaniel College in Westminster, Md. One month your teen may be sporting an athletic persona; the next, he may be asking to turn your garage into a recording studio. His clothing choices and personal style may shift to please the latest would-be girlfriend. For parents, watching kids try on identities may be like watching bad comedy. Although the characters are awkward and unbelievable, you just can’t look away.

Relationships are like a mirror: kids see themselves as others see them and find out how their words and actions draw others closer or push them away.

“Tweens and teens also learn about their values

and goals, explore their feelings, and practice communication and commitment in dating relationships,” says life coach Melissa Kunz. “In some ways, teenage love is the purest, sweetest love of all – the kind that is about attraction and fun,” says Kunz. But that doesn’t mean young love is easy.

“Romance is a double-edged sword,” says Maden. Being admired and desired is exhilarating, getting disregarded or dumped can be crushing. First relationships also create a template teens use to understand future relationships. “Failed relationships can make teens feel inadequate, and those feelings of unworthiness may be carried around for a long time,” says Kroger. Parents can help kids learn what is appropriate in a healthy, loving partnership by taking a consulting role in early romance.

Parenting Pointers

Meeting your daughter’s date at the door with a loaded shotgun or a list of killer questions would likely do more harm than good. Support healthy relationship skills development by following these do’s and don’ts.

DO Listen and Share. “Romance can be a fun topic for parents and kids to bond over,” says Kunz. “Parents can take a listening role to hear what is on their child’s mind. They can also share their personal experiences with love, which a lot of kids are curious about.” Ask your child what qualities she looks for in potential boyfriend and what she likes to do on a date. “A teen who has talked through what she wants in a relationship is better prepared when important choices – like when to end a relationship – present themselves,” says Kunz. Initiate an ongoing conversation.

DON’T Overemphasize Sex. “Fewer than half of teens in high school have had intercourse,” says Kunz, “yet many parents – fearing the worst – assume their teen is engaged in sexually risky behavior and discourage dating altogether.” Be careful to distinguish between romance and sex, they aren’t the same thing. “Many young girls are more interested in infatuation and the logistics of being asked out on a date than in sex,” says Kunz. If you immediately bring up sex when your tween or teen mentions a boyfriend, you’ll shut down the dialog.

DO Supervise Appropriately. Maden’s research shows 64% of parents have rules about kids’ romantic relationships. The best rules give parents a chance to step in if their child needs support, says Maden, they don’t restrict kids’ behavior. For instance, you might make a rule that you must meet a date before your child goes out and that you need to know where they’re going and when they’ll return. “Restrictive rules that tell kids who they can (and can’t) date, and what they can (and can’t) do on a date are perceived as overbearing,” says Maden, and they can backfire. Kids may look for loopholes or keep relationships secret to avoid punishment.

DON’T Intrude. Dating is one way kids separate from parents and that may evoke some anxiety, says Madsen. Holding on isn’t healthy. “Teens crave privacy and independence,” says Kunz, and they’ll pull you away if you’re overinvolved. Forego and spy missions you might be contemplating. Just be available to act as a sounding board when your child wants to talk. When he chooses to share his dating troubles and triumphs, keep them in strictest confidence. It’s not cool to post your kid’s romance-related news to Facebook.

DO Set Clear Expectations. Adolescents are learning what behavior is normal during dating. Explain what is and is not acceptable. Studies show many tweens and teens experience verbal harassment in dating relationships and nearly one third say they worry they might be physically hurt by a romantic partner. Kids need to know they don’t have to tolerate disrespect or abuse. Establish a code your child can use to escape a bad situation. If she calls or texts you the code, come to the rescue. Tell her you need her to return home immediately due to a “family emergency” and pick her up if necessary.

The post How to Support Young Relationships appeared first on Family Times Magazine.

For years now, psychologists have been studying theories of learning and multiple intelligence, and it’s made all the difference in how kids learn, according to Joan S. Bloom, Ph.D.

“Every human being has their own unique ability to learn,” she says. And she’s speaking from experience. To this day, she remembers Ms. Gregg and Ms. Beal, the grade school teachers who reached out to her, a dyslexic, by identifying the unique ways that she could learn.

“We were studying Native Americans in the schoolyard and we dug a pit and put coals in there and roasted whole corn with shucks,” she remembers. “They broke it down into a system to help me.”

But learning differences aside, Bloom points out the importance of working with students’ individual needs even when it comes to the child’s particular style of learning. “Some kids need info presented more logically and orderly; others need it presented more creatively,” she says. “One child in a class might get something, but [the student] next to him won’t because he needed the information presented hands on.”

Jan Norton, mom of three, has witnessed this in her own household. Five-year-old son Josh learns better by listening, she reveals, unlike her eldest, Tom, who is now 22. She found out early on that he learns best by following written instructions. And yet, middle son Sean, 20, was discovered to have a propensity toward visual learning when he was a young child. Norton recalls when the two were still toy-playing tikes: “One day, my husband came home and bought each son a LEGO toy,” she shares. “Tom got frustrated … since the instructions only had picture directions. Sean, on the other hand, had no problem looking at the picture on the box and putting the toy together.”

So what’s a concerned parent to do? Find out how your child processes information. Once you’ve done that, make a point of talking to your child’s teacher to ensure his individual needs are being addressed and when it comes to after-school activities, find something that hones in on your child’s learning style. It could make all the difference in helping him to develop a love of learning.

Several theories have been proposed to model the way that children learn. One of the most popular asserts that people fall into one of four learning categories, which include visual, auditory kinesthetic and reading/writing. Which category do you think your child falls under?

The Auditory Learner
Does your child listen attentively—and respond accurately? There’s a good chance he’s an auditory learner. Some auditory learners can hear an instruction and respond immediately. Others may take notes, according to Bloom, but they will probably never look at them again (so much for late nights of studying!). Someone who learns this way will probably do very well on verbally administered spelling tests, points out Dr. Liam Roode, a Minneapolis educational consultant, though he adds, “the more senses involved, the better.”

Suggestions for school:

• Talk to your child’s teacher about allowing your son or daughter to sit up close during story time or lessons, this helps the child become more engaged in the story.
• During reading time, encourage your child to read out loud rather than silently—hearing himself allows him to process info more effectively.

The Kinesthetic Learner
If you have a child that won’t sit still, chances are he’s a kinesthetic learner. Roode remembers a student who excelled at math, and when asked to work problems on the blackboard he completed them quickly, but when he was told to remain at his desk and watch other students work, he “picked his fingernails.” This student, like other kinesthetic learners, needed to use his body to make information stick. Instead of sitting
in his desk to study, for example, he may sit in a beanbag chair or roll on an exercise ball while reading.

Suggestions for school:

• If your child loves to be in motion, find out if his teacher will let him run small errands throughout the day, like taking notes to the office, for example.
• Making alphabet- and number-learning hands-on by encouraging kids to draw on sandpaper or with colored foam.

The Reading/Writing Learner
If your child falls into this lesser-known category, you’ll know. Maybe she writes down all her favorite foods or even has a list of toys she likes to play with. This learner displays a preference for information displayed as words, whether that comes from the Internet, dictionaries, quotations or books. Not surprisingly, many academics have a preference for this style, so you may have a future college professor on your hands.

Suggestions for school:

• Make sure your child’s teacher allows your son or daughter ample time to rewrite notes and turn visual charts and graphs into written notes and words.
• If she already has a preferred way of studying, say through creating outlines or summarizing information through bulleted lists, encourage the teacher to occasionally provide info in this format if possible.

The Visual Learner
This may not be what you wanted to hear, but it may just be in your little one’s best interest to hand her a marker. Visual learners like to see colors and shapes and be stimulated well, visually. In fact, says Bloom, some visual learners actually discover that they have a preference for one color over another; for example, if red is a color your child favors then highlighting a word in that shade will draw the word off the page for her and into her memory.

Suggestions for school:

• Encourage your child’s teacher to help your son or daughter make notes into a visual chart
• Help your child color-code his or her subject notes

The post Learning Curves appeared first on Family Times Magazine.

Grounding and loss of privileges may seem like an easy decision when your teen breaks the rules, but there’s a lot more at stake than just next weekend’s party. Setting appropriate limits and learning to adapt to your rapidly changing teen’s needs will help her learn to make good decisions and strengthen your relationship in the process.

“For any age, discipline means to teach — not punishment,” says Dawn Hayman, executive director of Parent Education. She says that everything parents do teaches kids something — in effect teaching them the right and wrong things to do long before they have an opportunity to break the rules.

Your teen will push her boundaries and, inevitably, slip up on occasion, but treating each infraction as a learning experience will help make the teen years easier on everyone.

Teens 13-14

• Set up a natural consequence or a logical one for misbehaviors. For example, falling asleep in class would be a natural consequence of staying up late.
• Maintain the relationship above all else. It’s difficult to teach or reach your teen if the relationship is broken.
• Use extra chores as a deterrent to misconduct.
• Discipline is essentially parents teaching kids to self-discipline.
• Parents should support one another in conversations with teens about discipline.

Teens 15-16

• Begin to set boundaries according to interests and behaviors. For example, a teen who is dating might need more boundaries.
• As kids get older, they have more responsibilities and fewer restrictions. Consider it like “letting the kite strings out but not letting go.”
• Consider tactics to make them feel more accountable for their actions and realize the consequences of having lost your trust.
• Address issues long before you lose your temper, if possible.
• Gradually, begin to change the type of relationship and feedback you give your teen. Think about the type of relationship you hope to have with your adult child, and work toward that goal.

Teens 17-18

• Learn to negotiate when dealing with change. Sometimes listening more than talking can help keep the lines of communication open.
• Give them a list of chores and things to be done before a date or going out with friends. Set your expectations before they go out.
• Use appropriate withdrawal of discipline as kids prove they need fewer restrictions.

The post How Do I Discipline My Teen? appeared first on Family Times Magazine.

Nothing is more important than your child’s education. But it’s not going to happen by accident or by your wits alone. And it will require you to forge alliances with your child’s teacher, as well as with your child.

None of this is rocket science. But it’s stuff I didn’t get when I was “just a teacher.” My unique position as a mother and teacher has taught me these lessons. I’m sure I’ll learn much more with each school year; and I’m sure most of my future learning will come from the school of parental mistakes, as my past did. Hopefully, these tips will make your school year a little better, as you learn how to deal and forge alliances with your children and the teachers who influence the majority of their waking hours for nine months of the year.

Forge Alliances With Your Child’s Teacher(s)

1. Be on time for school the first day of new semester and every day thereafter.That means being on time for conferences, volunteering and homeroom. Punctuality tells the teacher that her schedule is important to you and that your child is serious about school.

2. Volunteer for something the first day of the semester. Tell the teacher you want to be a resource in the classroom. Learn the kid’s names as soon as possible. Lend a hand. Find your niche; then fill it.

3. Help your child complete homework every day. Enough said.

4. Surprise the teacher on special days (and not so special ones) with small tokens of your appreciation. Start the first day of your new semester or year. Help your children come up with their own ways to make the teacher feel special.

5. Attend school functions.

6. Compliment and encourage teachers for the good they are doing. Teachers hear few “thank you’s.” A compliment puts a positive picture of your child in the mind’s eye of the teacher and set the tone for future dealings with you.

7. Don’t immediately believe everything your child tells you about problems with the teacher or other students. Half of what your child says probably stems from emotion, another fourth from point of view and the rest from truth. Get the facts as your child sees them. Then meet with the teacher privately. Follow up with the child. Finally, if you still cannot get to the whole truth of the situation, conference with the child and teacher.

8. Ask intelligent questions about what your child is/will be learning. Ask how you can help your child; and once your child has been in the classroom long enough, ask about your child’s strengths and weaknesses in the classroom. Ask about relationships too – who does your child play with on the playground? How does your child navigate difficult relationships? How well does he or she listen? What subjects need the most attention?

9. Never undermine the teacher’s authority by speaking against the methods or personality of a teacher in front of your child. This robs your and your child’s relationship with the teacher and WILL damage the learning process at some level. Before getting critical, find the reasons behind the teacher’s actions. If children see a lack of respect for the teacher, they will see no reason to respect the teacher either and will probably give less attention to schoolwork. Send a clear message about the proper view of authority to your child whenever possible.

10. Avoid gossip. If you are tempted to engage in gossip, stay away from the workroom and teachers’ lounge. Many negative words are uttered there. If those walls could talk! You’ll pick up on a wealth of information in the workroom if you listen. Just remember, kids and teachers get unfairly labeled when gossip gets out of hand. That helps no one, and if you make a habit of gossiping, it can label you as one who cannot be trusted.

Forge Alliances With Your Child

Lest you think it’s enough to create team spirit with your child’s teacher, guess again. The power of your relationship with your child in creating a successful educational environment cannot be overestimated. Your kids need to buy in to this school thing too.

1. Follow everything on list #1.

2. Have a snack ready for your child after school and listen, listen, listen. Food can be a satisfying way to relax your child after a long day.

3. Listen creatively. You may get more information if you share first. Go with the personality of your child. For example, my daughter shares best if she’s given lots of hugs first. She’s very tactile. My son shares better if you joke and roughhouse with him first. Look for clues in your child’s facial expressions, intonation, actions and attitudes as to how the day went. Don’t take for granted that what your children say is what they’re really feeling. Listen “out of the box.”

4. Find a consistent time and place for homework that fits the personality and needs of your child. For example, Spencer, my son, prefers sitting at the kitchen table. We start homework after a snack and 30-minute rest time after school. Anything less than 30 minutes and he isn’t physically, emotionally or mentally ready to tackle homework yet. Try different systems until you get one that works for your child.

5. Make learning fun! Mix up the learning after school. Use games, take turns reading, use real life experiences to teach lessons and reach your children in their area of interest. You are ultimately responsible for your child’s learning – not the teacher. No one else cares about your child’s education as much as you do, so be a part of it. Help your child learn about decision making, measuring and counting money while shopping. Teach about chemistry in the kitchen. Expose your child to history on special holidays by adding in an educational book, video or field trip.

6. Give your child some quiet time every afternoon. Kids need time to themselves just as they need time with you.

7. Read in front of your child every day. Let your child see you enjoying reading and learning. It’s great if the whole family can share a time of reading. But it will require you to cut off the TV for a while.

8. Hug your child a lot. You may need to find out how to touch your child. For a long time, I thought Spencer didn’t like for me to touch him. I found out that he really needed my touch, but on his terms. He prefers to ease into affection first by being silly, tickling, etc. And he doesn’t like kisses, unless he initiates. Be sensitive to the tactile needs of your child.

9. Be your children’s greatest cheerleader. Put encouraging notes in their lunch boxes. Tell them they are special and why; and try to attach their specialness to who they are, not merely to performance.

10. Finally, I can’t stress enough how important it is to visit your child at school. Eat lunch with your kids. Spend time not just in the classroom, but one-on-one with your child. Look at your child’s art. Talk about what is important to him or her about school. It will go a long way in expressing your love for your child and your interest in your child’s education.

The post Forging Positive Parent-Teacher Relationships appeared first on Family Times Magazine.

Each day, Peter Larson (better known as Mr. L) juggles a classroom of local second-graders—many who are highly original, unconventional and inventive. They prefer adventure and fantasy, especially when it comes to their own minds. Because they are disposed to boundless, individualistic, divergent thinking, they rarely concentrate on one idea at a time (or sit still, for that matter). They are not likely to score well on a test (though they are very bright) and their school years tend to be filled with anguish and aggravation.

What some of these kids have in common is a personality characteristic called the Edison trait (named after the prolific inventor Thomas Edison). Though few child experts recognize the Edison trait by name, specifically, it affects one in five children, according to Dr. Lynne Palermo, a psychologist and attention expert with 30 years of experience. And, like Edison himself, who was a misfit in the classroom, these kids are at risk.

Palermo says that every year, educators report they see more and more students who fit this unique description—children who learn by doing instead of listening.  They are spirited individuals

who live life with passion and determination,
firing out an endless stream of questions and often recklessly pursuing their own desires (like Edison, who wanted to see how fire worked and accidentally burned his father’s barn to the ground).

“They are conundrums, children with a profile that is both intriguing and maddening,” explains Palermo. “These children are appealing, daring and entertaining. Yet they are frustrating, demanding and difficult to raise.”

Their temperament and intellectual style will shake the stamina of the most devoted and patient parent. “Forget mom doing anything except challenging this child,” says Palermo, “These kids are physically and mentally hyper; they can’t shut off their minds. Yoga is not going to work for them.”

So how do you know if you have an Edison-trait child? Some things will come more easily to them: they are open to multiple ideas, possess incredible imaginations, innately hold a global perspective, intensely focus on their own pursuits and ooze creativity (think personality types such as Robin Williams, Walt Disney, Ludwig van Beethoven—even Flint Lockwood, the young boy in the movie Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs).

The things that come hard to them: As children, they are easily distracted, live in a state of disorganization, neglect detail, don’t follow through and often won’t comply or obey. They are labeled as “troublemakers” and discounted as unintelligent (but are quite the contrary).

Since it is an inherited personality characteristic, the Edison trait is not diagnosed as a disorder. However, according to Palermo, it is chemically and psychologically based. “Mind and molecule interact for all of us”.

As she explains, neurotransmitters (brain chemicals) are both the cause and result of behavior patterns. The neurotransmitter dopamine fuels our goal achievement. Convergent (linear, focused) thinkers are driven by dopamine and serotonin (neurotransmitter of security and well-being), and their success at school continues to boost more dopamine. Divergent (non-linear, out-of-the-box) thinkers, on the other hand, often do not succeed in the classroom, and are thus driven by norepinephrine, the neurotransmitter of stress, which triggers fight (defiant) or flight (avoidant) behavior.

“We can force a child to perform, but this will not change his brain chemistry or lead to self-motivation,” explains Palermo. “Stimulants such as Ritalin and Adderall [used in some children with Attention Deficit Disorder/Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, ADD/ADHD] typically produce the fastest results by helping to regulate dopamine. However, the action of these drugs is temporary.”

The goal is to build the skills your divergent-thinking child needs so he can reach success in his own way and self-induce dopamine. Palermo offers that the decision to medicate an Edison-trait child who has been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD is a private and complex issue and should be decided after careful evaluation with a trusted medical professional.

The ADHD Connection

So, given that divergent-thinking children are viewed as having attention problems, is Edison trait the same as ADD/ADHD?

The answer is no. Not all children with the Edison trait have ADD/ADHD.  However, “just about all children who have ADD/ADHD have the Edison trait,” explains Palermo. Such is the case with Ian Hearly.

At 3 years old, it was clear to Minnesotian Rory Hearly, Ian’s mom, that her son was not a typical kid. He talked nonstop—and was learning three different languages. He was driven to fanatical ideas, like insisting he wanted a jet pack to fly to school, and he didn’t take “no” for an answer. The Hearlys soon learned that Ian had ADHD, and they began medicating him with Daytrana. “He has to have it,” says his mom. “It calms him down.”

Not surprisingly, Ian is schooled in an untraditional environment at a private, nonprofit school that serves children up to 10th grade who have been diagnosed with or are at-risk for a specific learning difference. His teacher, Mr. L, approaches learning with flexibility and creativity. He utilizes play, movement and voice inflection to keep busy minds focused. Oh, and, he’s prone to dress up as a superhero. Still, he is challenged daily by children who think and behave extravagantly (while all of his students have some form of a learning disorder, at least three, including Ian, are considered Edison trait). These grade-schoolers are self-absorbed, don’t pick up on social cues and require one-on-one instruction. “I always keep in the back of my mind that these are wonderful kids. Instead of squashing their behavior, I focus on deflecting it and putting them in control,” says Larson.

Strength-Centered Approach

As the population of known Edison-trait children increases, so does the need to understand what is happening in our homes and schools. “Why do so many children now struggle to learn, especially when it comes to particulars like detailed directions, rules of grammar and spelling and math facts?” asks Palermo. “Could it be that, to a degree, our mind-set and educational format have outlived their usefulness?”

A divergent-thinking child is richly poised to succeed in a fast-paced, technology-driven, multi-tasking society, where creative thinking is the new currency; yet the majority of schools still teach a convergent curriculum, where test-taking skills are valued above innovation.

Traditional school (and the playground and organized sports, for that matter) can bring conflict for the child who has a difference in attention. But the brains of Edison-trait children are misunderstood, not inferior, stresses Palermo. Problems start getting solved when parents view the child from his blueprint, while at the same time, teaching and encouraging him to think convergently.

Palermo recommends taking a “strength-centered approach” to support your Edison-trait child; what can your child excel at with her unique gifts?

First, make sure you are your child’s greatest advocate, advises Chapman, whose own divergent-thinking sons struggled to fit into a convergent world. “We live in a society, especially in Texas, where we expect straight A’s and for our child to be the captain of the team,” she explains. “And that is not the picture of success for all children.”

Chapman’s oldest son scored low on college-admission tests (Edison-trait kids have difficulty censoring out irrelevant cues, which makes it challenging to focus on test-taking). So, she took him to an art college where they presented his dazzling portfolio in person (and he got in).

Adds Dr. Mitchell McPhil, a licensed Minnesota psychologist specializing in neuropsychological evaluations: “We need to praise children for other qualities that make them a whole person—not just focus on their cognitive [academic] ability.” McPhil says parents should establish realistic expectations and also become their child’s biggest cheerleader. Palermo follows up that advice by citing a long-term study by researchers Gabrielle Weiss, Ph.D., and Lily Hechtman, Ph.D. They surveyed young adults who had attentional difficulties about what made the difference in their lives. The answer? Having someone who believed in them.

Secondly, whether your child is in a class of nine or 30, collaborate with the teacher. McPhil says that, by the time parents come to him for help, the “bridge is already burning” and the family is ready to bail on the current school arrangement. “But you don’t want to model for kids that, if a problem comes up, it’s OK to jump ship,” he stresses.

Palermo counsels that parents and teachers should take a “no fault” view with each other and redefine the child’s “problems” as “challenges.” “Stay in good communication with your child’s teacher and offer to do whatever it takes to support the teacher—with no sense of entitlement for exceptions to be made for your child,” she urges. For example, that could mean redoing the child’s homework assignments so that there is only one question per page.

Then, get into problem-solving mode. Identify your child’s strengths and go after them with a vengeance. Seek extracurricular activities, such as drama and art, that appeal to high-energy and imaginative children. “These kids love any creative process. To them life is an adventure,” she offers. Drama, in particular, appeals to the risk-taking nature of the Edison trait and also offers a release from school tasks. Humor is a strong ally for the child who already thinks in images and stories.

McPhil also advises families to reinforce routine, as well as emphasize play. Parents should focus on high-level engagement to solidify their relationship with their child (for the Hearlys, that translates into traveling and reading). And, practice child-centered “time-in” together without an agenda (meaning no talk about school or grades). “A child’s belief in himself starts with the parent’s belief in him,” reiterates Palermo. Offers Hearly, “I’m nurturing everything I can about Ethan.”

It can be exhausting, of course.

“There is no room to breathe when you have a bright, high-energy, high-maintenance child,” says Chapman. “Enjoy the easy times, but just like a roller coaster, know that another hill is coming and there will be more challenges ahead.”

Heatly makes time for herself—no matter how inconvenient it might be (Chapman stresses that this helps model for the child what a functional adult life looks like).

Chapman also urges parents to read, study and learn about their child’s unique trait—and then embrace the gift that comes with it. While it might be hard for a parent to envision a struggling student as a productive adult, Palermo reports that Edison-trait kids do, in fact, grow up to be successful in careers that value the ability to shift focus rapidly, such as entrepreneurs, fashion designers and emergency room doctors.

All of the experts recommend investing in professional, therapeutic support. Edison-trait children get that they are different, and they expect a lot from themselves already. They need trusted allies to make them feel OK about themselves or they can become trapped in a cycle of negative self-thought (and later, in the teen years, turn to self-medication).

“We so want to rush in and fix it, but oftentimes what a child needs is validation (listening),” says Palermo. “Once the child feels validated/accepted, she can return to front-brain thinking and solve her own problems.”

It all starts with learning to see the good in their world. “No parent, no expert—no one—has the answer,” offers Palermo. But, “when we commit to a strength-centered approach, we raise our children to be the heroes, not the victims, of their lives.”

The post The Edison Trait appeared first on Family Times Magazine.

MISD counselors say the keys to maximizing your teen’s after-school learning are consistency of routine and organization.

School-based counselors recommend a special set time for studying. This can be preceded by some after-school down time, and should certainly include a break or two. “If they say they have no homework, they should have a book to read so that they have to do something at that time,” says Robin Fall, a MISD counseling supervisor.

Organization is also important and leads to better time management and prioritization skills. This can be in the form of keeping an agenda or learning how to take notes in class for better use at home. Dr. Janet Miranda, personal student counselor & advisor, recommends Cornell style of note taking.

The Cornell format divides paper for note taking into two columns, says Dr. Miranda. In one column, the student makes short notes including key words and phrases. After class, the student should go back and fill in the other column with more detailed information on each point. If done within 24 hours, the student should be able to remember thorough details, and the rewriting process helps ensure she will remember it in the future, on the exam, for example.

“I think balance in your activities and the ability to focus on one thing at a time will help a child not burn out too soon,” says Minnetonka mother Karma Travis. Travis’s eighth grade daughter studies at their kitchen table, not so she can be monitored, but so that she has easy access to two parents who usually have the answers when she gets stuck. “When you study on your own for a test, you aren’t positive if you know the material or not without being quizzed and hearing yourself say the answers.”

And, as Dr. Miranda points out, “Homework is just the first step to mastery…mastery requires STUDY!”

The post My Teen Won’t Study! Work Together to Develop Strong Study Habits appeared first on Family Times Magazine.

• Self-paced flexibility that allows all students, including gifted and talented students and students with special needs, to learn at the pace that suits their development.
• Schedule flexibility for working students, students seeking credit recovery, at-risk students and non-traditional students.
• The opportunity to learn from home with the support of a parent, licensed teacher and a curriculum of their choice in a program with individualized instruction that can be customized to serve each student’s particular needs and abilities.
• Tailored learning for children who work at different paces in different subjects.
• A viable option for students in failing neighborhood public schools who lack the means or opportunity to access the alternative of private education.
• The ability to enroll in Advanced Placement and International Baccalaureate courses, and have access to highly qualified teachers in the college-level math, science and foreign language classes critical to success in the global economy.
• Early student competencies and preparation for the higher education environment that is increasingly taking advantage of technological advances.
• More frequent and regular contact between teachers and parents leading to greater collaboration in supporting the child’s education.
• While not for every student, many families benefit from online learning as it serves to
• Maximize their education options.

Source: The National Parent Network for Online Learning (NPNOL). See npnol.org for more information.

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